“Winning requires the courage to look within.” (Lonnie
Keene)
One of the times I remember being required to look within
was when I was a freshman in college. I left the security of my familiar
environment and ventured several states away to begin my four years of study. I
was excited about being independent and having the opportunity to meet new
friends from different parts of the country and study under a leading professor
in my chosen field. In just three months, an unexpected change had occurred – I
had gained a significant amount of
weight- several dress sizes. I could not
wear any of the clothes I had brought with me. No one around me had noticed the weight gain;
they didn’t realize this new physical state was not how I arrived at college. However, as soon as my plane landed home, the
first thing that my mother pointed out to me was that I had gained a lot of
weight. Next it was my Sunday School teacher who told me I looked like her “butterball.”
Others who knew me said things like the “food sure must be good at your college,” “you are really fat.” By the end of my first week I was devastated.
My mother found me in my room “crying.”
She inquired what was the reason for the crying and I told her that everyone
was telling me that I was “fat”; to which she replied, “you are.” Then she added that “if you don’t want to be
fat crying isn’t going to solve the
problem. Losing weight is going to
require you to take charge and do something about it." My mother then proceeded to help
me take that courageous step of looking within. This process began with her helping me to recognize that “I” was the problem- not the school’s poor
food that I wanted to blame it on. My mother showed me the
power of 5 questions. Tune in to our
conversation.
1 1. What?
Mother:
Patricia, what are you eating?
Me: I made my list and it read something
like- fried chicken, hamburgers, french fries, chocolate milk shakes, chocolate
fudge cake, candy, cookies, potato chips, etc.
2 2. Why?
Mother: So why are you eating these things?
Me: The food in the cafeteria is awful and
doesn’t taste good. They are my
favorites- I love anything chocolate.
3 3. When?
Mother: When do you typically eat on campus?
Me: I eat at the three meal times. If I don’t
like what’s in the cafeteria, I buy something else. Then I generally eat again in
the evening around 8 or 9 o’clock. Definitely when I am up studying at night I
get food from the vending machines.
4 4. Where?
Mother: Since the cafeteria’s food is not
to your liking, where do you find the food that you like?
Me: At the student grill, our on campus
store, the vending machines. And Uncle Oscar sends me cookies and Cousin Keturah sends me food boxes.
5 5. Who?
Mother: When you go to the student grill or
campus store, who is typically with you? Who do you study with?
Me: My roommates and classmates
These 5 questions were powerful because they required answers, made me self- reflect, provided valuable information, resulted in
personal discoveries that facilitated my recognition that it was all about me
and my choices. The questions stimulated my thinking and also showed me that
there were other sources contributing to the problem (remember the boxes
arriving from family members). It took
more than 3 months to lose the weight, but I did it! And it was because I
looked within, recognized the source of the problem was "me", found there were contributors to
the problem, and accepted personal responsibility.
Looking within requires an honest, thoughtful, self-assessment.
Sometimes looking within requires the support of people (who have your best
interest at heart and willing to challenge you, and are knowledgeable about the
problem, have experience with the problem) to assist you with the assessment.
Questions are powerful-
so get started, be courageous, look within, you are the solution!
Other sources:
Change Your Questions Change Your
Life- Marilee Adams
The 7 Powers of Questions-
Dorothy Leeds
