On Stage! What's My Facilitator's Role?

The time has come for the conversation or meeting to start. You are up front and all eyes are focused on you. It’s show time and you have the leading role. You’ve done all the behind the scenes work, developed your skills, and now it’s up to you to get this conversation or meeting started, engage participants  and bring out their best resulting in a productive session. So what do you do? Connect, Communicate,  and Celebrate.  Today’s focus is on connecting.

Connect.  Relationships = Results. Right at the start of your meeting or conversation, it is important to connect with the participants and to get the participants to connect with each other. When there is a positive connection you will get positive results.

 As soon as you step up front, all eyes are on you. So make sure you bring a sunny personality to the stage- smile, humor, be open. What are you wearing? Make sure the color, clothing or accessories won’t be distracting. One time I wore a bracelet that had a charm that dangled every time I used my hand and that was often. One person came up to me during a break and told me how distracting it was. I immediately took that bracelet off.  You don’t want something you wear to create a disconnection.  Remember participants are looking at you for an extended period of time- make sure you don’t inadvertently lose connection.

Think about how you will introduce yourself. Make it personable so that the participants get a glimpse into ‘who’ you are beside your credentials, position, etc.  I usually let participants know that I am passionate about “outcomes” and they will get to see that as we work together.  Sometimes when the weather is cold, I let the participants know that I am from Florida, grew up in sunshine and had to struggle driving in the snow to get to the meeting.  If the participants are familiar with you, share something they don’t know. Maybe over the summer you took a trip to an interesting place that you can share.  Depending upon where the meeting or conversation is taking place, make reference to the location. “It’s great to be at the Ohio State, my husband is a true ‘Buckeye’ having received his undergraduate degree from here and his optometry degree.”  “I love Starbucks!” “It’s great to be back in my high school.” Depending upon the meeting or conversation, you can decide how best to connect to the location so that it creates another connection.

It’s also important to get the participants to connect with each other. They are going to be working together for a specified time period and need to feel comfortable with each other too. You may want to have participants introduce themselves and have each share something personal like what they did over the summer or identify a favorite… or you can find out about participants in different ways- everyone who has been living here less than a year stand? 3- 5 years? wave your hand….. Even when participants know each other, it’s important to engage them early on in some form of reconnection. “Let’s see who celebrated a birthday since our last meeting? “  Participants connecting with each other in a positive manner early on lay the foundation for a harmonious meeting or conversation.

On Stage- CONNECT!

.

Behind the Scenes: 5 Steps Essential to Effectively Facilitating a Diverse Group

Do you want to engage a diverse group in a conversation or  meeting and get a positive outcome? While what goes on during the conversation or meeting is important,  what goes on before getting in front of the group significantly influences your ability to be effective and get the results you want. Let's go behind the scenes and identify five key actions that as a facilitator you must engage in if you want to have a positive outcome.

1. Clarify the desired outcomes. Make sure you understand what you want to gain from the conversation or meeting. It's not just about talking! Do you want people to leave with a shared understanding or commitment to something? Do you want people to commit to something? Do you want to solve a problem? Having a productive conversation or meeting requires that the right people are at the table. Additionally, you need to allocate an adequate amount of time and find a place that will facilitate getting the results you desire. Begin with the end in mind. Let your desired outcomes guide who's invited, how you shape your conversation, length of time, location, and format.

2. Define terms. So what's the conversation or meeting about? Don't assume that everyone has a shared understanding. It is hard to get consensus or a shared understanding about anything if people in your group are thinking about the topic from a different perspective. Think about it- if the group is diverse then their interpretation of the topic will be different. Here are some examples. If you are talking about leaders- then define who the leaders are that you will be directing the conversation- Is it the Board? Senior Management? Officers?, etc. If the topic is about children, what ages are you talking about? If the meeting is about fundraising, what does that mean to your group? Come to the conversation and/or meeting with key terms defined. Put them on the agenda are on your handouts.Affirm understanding about the key terms.

3. Do your homework. Be knowledgeable about the topic at hand. That means doing some research. Find out what has happened in the past either inside or outside the group. If there are 'best practices, use these to guide the conversation. You don't need to reinvent the wheel or make mistakes that others have learned from. With technology, it's easier than ever too access information. And don't forget other people can be excellent data sources. Think about 'who' should I talk to that can help me t a handle on the topic. Gathering information before the conversation or meeting before it happens will save you time. Discovering during the meeting often means there will have to be another conversation or meeting.

4. Determine how you will set the tone. How it starts will influence how it goes. Do you want people to engage? Do you want people to feel valued?Do you want people to be energized? Do you want people to be open and honest? From the moment people arrive, how you have set the environment for the conversation and how you behave, will send signals to the participants and either move them to the place you want them or send them to a place that will make it difficult for you to manage. Make sure everything is in place, operational, and you are prepared to start when your group members begin to arrive. Be sure and check out the space you are using before the conversation or meeting. Some example of things to think about to get you started in setting the right tone. Where will you stand? Where will people sit? How will the room be arranged? What tools and equipment will be needed? Do you need to provide any form of nourishment? Develop a checklist, follow it, and make sure you are ready to go at least 30 minutes before the appointed time. That means arriving at least 45 minutes before start time. 

5. Consider the culture of the people who will be participating. Everyone has a culture and their organization does too,That culture will influence their decision making and actions. Make sure you get as much information as you can about the people you will be participating in your conversation and are meeting. Demographics are good starters- age, gender, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, position, length of time in organization or community, etc. Your knowledge of participants culture should influence your decisions about  (1) what refreshments are served. A health conscious group won't be excited about all sugary snacks; (2) your decisions about time.Some cultural customs and traditions will influence when you host your conversation or conduct your meeting and may require specified time breaks that will need to be taken into account when developing your agenda; (3) location of the conversation and meeting. You want participants to feel welcomed and comfortable so where the conversation/meeting is being held is essential; (4) how you communicate, to include what words you use, who you talk to and what methods you use. These are only examples. Remember culture impacts everything!

Preparation is key to being an effective facilitator. Getting your desired results starts "behind the scenes."

My Father's Lessons

On this Father's Day I am paying tribute to my father, Glover A. Larkins. I treasure the time we had together and realize that there were many valuable lessons that I learned. These lessons have influenced my thinking, actions, and being. And for that I am grateful! Here are five of my favorite lessons learned.

Lesson #1: Words Matter
My father was a Chef and reminded me of that every time I told someone he was a Cook.  I came to understand that his work entailed more than preparing a meal. At a time when there were very few African American Chefs, my father was "in charge of the kitchen" in a hotel on the beach in Daytona Beach, Florida and traveled in the summer to manage the kitchen of the owner's northern hotel in Thousand Islands Park, New York. He taught me that as Chef, he created the menus and new dishes; ensured the quality of the food prepared and that it was delivered in a timely manner; provided oversight to the kitchen staff; and made sure problems in the kitchen were resolved.   Today, I start all sessions with my clients making sure that I have clarity around the definition of terms. A chapter in my recent publication, "Be Your B.E.S.T." focuses on the importance of words.

Lesson #2: Presentation Matters
 Meals at my house were never ordinary. I remember my first biscuit. To entice me to eat it, my father created it in the shape of a fox- decorations and all. What ever he prepared had his creative signature. Whether we were eating sandwiches, soups, salads, an entree, or desserts, everything was attractive. He would reiterate- it's all in the presentation! I remember that concept every time I prepare to entertain someone in my home. It has extended beyond meals to also be reflected in my work products

Lesson #3: When you do what you are passionate about, it brings you joy and you want others to be satisfied.
My father was passionate about what he did and always wanted to create a dining experience that was delightful. Despite his long hours, when he arrived home, there were lots of stories to share about the day. He loved to tell me about the times when a person dining asked for the Chef because they had enjoyed their meal. When someone came to visit us, once he knew what their favorite "dish" was, they could count on him preparing it. He always wanted others to be satisfied. Today, I bring that same level of passion to my clients as I work to assist them in achieving their desired outcomes. Like my father, I love for them to be satisfied too!

Lesson #4:  Be Independent
 I was an only child. In fact, my parents had been married 25 years before I was born. Everyone was excited about my arrival- my grandmother, aunt, uncles, cousins, and other family friends. So there were lots of presents at Christmas, my birthday, or special holidays. But it was at these special times that my father would say to me "God blesses a child who has his own." He wanted me to remember that I shouldn't expect to be taken care of by anyone- that it was important for me to work hard to get the things that I wanted for myself. While I recognize that you can't accomplish anything alone, I do recognize how important it is to take personal responsibility for my actions.

Lesson # 5:  Follow the Rules even when everyone else doesn't
When I was growing up, at 13 you could obtain your junior driver's license which meant you could drive as long as someone was in the car with you. One day I asked my father to let me take our car for a spin around the block by myself. I told him that some of my friends were driving without their parents in the car. "What's the rule?" he asked. Upon restating the rule, he emphasized that "you don't do something because someone else did it and got away with it. What happens if you are driving alone and there is an accident? There is always a consequence."  He cautioned me to ask myself if I was willing to accept the consequence when I thought about breaking a rule. To this day, I am always mindful of both rules and the consequences associated with them if they are broken. My father also showed  me through many examples that rules were in place to create order. Many people who have been in my workshop sessions or retreats, will recognize that I start them by identifying the rules of engagement. I have found that "my rules" bring order to the sessions that I conduct and I am able to more efficiently manage my time.

While my father taught me many lessons, what I value most was his demonstration of unconditional love. He unselfishly gave me the greatest gift of all- his love.  And though my father  is not physically present with me, his love is forever in my heart!

My Classmate Was Always... “at her B.E.S.T.!”

After finishing high school I was Hampton (Institute) bound. Little did I know that the Hampton experience would have far more of an impact than just providing me with a degree and preparation for my professional journey.  One outcome that I cherish is that through the Hampton experience, “friends for life” were established. To that end, I found a friend for life in Kitti F. Smith.

While we went our separate ways upon graduation, I could always count on seeing Kitti at Homecoming or our Class Reunions. Over the years, post graduation, she found herself battling many health challenges. But what I admired most was that Kitti did not let challenges stop her from always “being her B.E.S.T.” - serving, being positive, putting others first, maintaining a standard of excellence, taking risks, showing gratitude.

At a point in time, my career landed me in the Philadelphia area where Kitti lived. This move reunited us on a more regular basis. Kitti made sure upon my arrival in town that one of the first things I did was attend a meeting of the Philadelphia Chapter of the National Hampton Alumni

Association. What I soon came to realize was that Kitti was actively serving our alma mater- recruiting students, raising funds, encouraging alumni to engage. Since I lived in the suburban area, she encouraged me to become a charter member of the Valley Forge Chapter. Kitti didn't just  volunteer her time at the local level but served consistently at the regional and national

levels, ultimately serving as Regional President and National Recording Secretary. She valued the Hampton experience and as a "lifelong teacher" she wanted students to have the same opportunity she had to obtain an “education for life”.

When I relocated to Columbus, OH, we continued to stay in touch. In fact, because of my husband she became a Buckeye fan. So football season found her cheering for the Pirates and Buckeyes! As her health challenges escalated, we stayed in touch by phone. During our many conversations, Kitti never complained- she would say “I'm alright.” Kitti always reminded me she loved the Lord and trusted Him. And I could count on her phone message to have an encouraging word and scriptural reference.  After her first toe amputation, I called and couldn't reach her and became concerned. Finally, she called back and said “I just had to get out of the house and so I drove myself to the store.” That was the way she was - unafraid to take risks.

Then there was the time she was concerned about her house not being in order; physically exhausted, she still wanted to maintain her “standard of excellence”(another Hampton lesson). And despite the pain, she continued to focus on encouraging others. Our class could count on Kitti being there-  providing an update, offering words of encouragement and reminding us to support our alma mater. One day upon returning home. there was a box outside my door and when I looked at the address it was from Kitti. Upon opening it, there was a beautiful elephant, an expression of her love. Despite her physical challenge, she found a way to the post office to send me something special.

I will miss my dear classmate and friend, but will always remember how she modeled “being your B.E.S.T.” in all circumstances- staying positive, focusing on others, maintaining a standard of excellence, not fearing taking risks, and always showing love. This tribute is to Kitti F. Smith for “letting her life do the singing!”