My Father's Lessons

On this Father's Day I am paying tribute to my father, Glover A. Larkins. I treasure the time we had together and realize that there were many valuable lessons that I learned. These lessons have influenced my thinking, actions, and being. And for that I am grateful! Here are five of my favorite lessons learned.

Lesson #1: Words Matter
My father was a Chef and reminded me of that every time I told someone he was a Cook.  I came to understand that his work entailed more than preparing a meal. At a time when there were very few African American Chefs, my father was "in charge of the kitchen" in a hotel on the beach in Daytona Beach, Florida and traveled in the summer to manage the kitchen of the owner's northern hotel in Thousand Islands Park, New York. He taught me that as Chef, he created the menus and new dishes; ensured the quality of the food prepared and that it was delivered in a timely manner; provided oversight to the kitchen staff; and made sure problems in the kitchen were resolved.   Today, I start all sessions with my clients making sure that I have clarity around the definition of terms. A chapter in my recent publication, "Be Your B.E.S.T." focuses on the importance of words.

Lesson #2: Presentation Matters
 Meals at my house were never ordinary. I remember my first biscuit. To entice me to eat it, my father created it in the shape of a fox- decorations and all. What ever he prepared had his creative signature. Whether we were eating sandwiches, soups, salads, an entree, or desserts, everything was attractive. He would reiterate- it's all in the presentation! I remember that concept every time I prepare to entertain someone in my home. It has extended beyond meals to also be reflected in my work products

Lesson #3: When you do what you are passionate about, it brings you joy and you want others to be satisfied.
My father was passionate about what he did and always wanted to create a dining experience that was delightful. Despite his long hours, when he arrived home, there were lots of stories to share about the day. He loved to tell me about the times when a person dining asked for the Chef because they had enjoyed their meal. When someone came to visit us, once he knew what their favorite "dish" was, they could count on him preparing it. He always wanted others to be satisfied. Today, I bring that same level of passion to my clients as I work to assist them in achieving their desired outcomes. Like my father, I love for them to be satisfied too!

Lesson #4:  Be Independent
 I was an only child. In fact, my parents had been married 25 years before I was born. Everyone was excited about my arrival- my grandmother, aunt, uncles, cousins, and other family friends. So there were lots of presents at Christmas, my birthday, or special holidays. But it was at these special times that my father would say to me "God blesses a child who has his own." He wanted me to remember that I shouldn't expect to be taken care of by anyone- that it was important for me to work hard to get the things that I wanted for myself. While I recognize that you can't accomplish anything alone, I do recognize how important it is to take personal responsibility for my actions.

Lesson # 5:  Follow the Rules even when everyone else doesn't
When I was growing up, at 13 you could obtain your junior driver's license which meant you could drive as long as someone was in the car with you. One day I asked my father to let me take our car for a spin around the block by myself. I told him that some of my friends were driving without their parents in the car. "What's the rule?" he asked. Upon restating the rule, he emphasized that "you don't do something because someone else did it and got away with it. What happens if you are driving alone and there is an accident? There is always a consequence."  He cautioned me to ask myself if I was willing to accept the consequence when I thought about breaking a rule. To this day, I am always mindful of both rules and the consequences associated with them if they are broken. My father also showed  me through many examples that rules were in place to create order. Many people who have been in my workshop sessions or retreats, will recognize that I start them by identifying the rules of engagement. I have found that "my rules" bring order to the sessions that I conduct and I am able to more efficiently manage my time.

While my father taught me many lessons, what I value most was his demonstration of unconditional love. He unselfishly gave me the greatest gift of all- his love.  And though my father  is not physically present with me, his love is forever in my heart!